Camel Toe: An Insider’s Guide

First things first, what exactly is camel toe?

According to Wikipedia, camel toe is “a slang term that refers to the outline of a woman’s labia majora, as seen through tightly fitting clothes.”

According to the photo of NJ Governor Chris Christie above, camel toe is the outline of any person’s crotch arranged in such a way as to resemble a labia majora. In most cases, it looks like a plump vagina because it is, in fact, a plump vagina. But just like we know that there are more than two genders and more than two sexualties, now thanks to Christie we know that there is more than one way to have a camel toe.

Thanks for being such a role model, Chris.

Why do people get camel toe?

There are two distinct causes of camel toe:

(1) Frontal wedgie

If you have a butt, you’re undoubtedly familiar with the common household wedgie. The physics are pretty much identical. This can be due to the material, size or shape of your clothing, a type of movement (e.g., squats), or some combination of these factors. Sometimes fabric just gets up in the cracks — be it front door or back door.

(2) Prominent vulva

Sometimes camel toe is not caused by fabric pulling up into Vagina Station, but just because your goodies are visible through your clothing. This is likely to happen when you are wearing a thin, stretchy material (like bathing suit or yoga pants) or if a crotch seam is particularly large.

The main difference between the two is comfort. Frontal wedgies tend to be uncomfortable. In contrast, you can have a really noticeable camel toe that isn’t uncomfortable at all because it’s just your poon down there living her life.

What are the camel toe risk factors?

  1. Having a vagina
  2. Wearing pants

Is camel toe good or bad?

It depends who you ask. According to FannyPack, an obscure all-girl group from the 2000s, camel toes are vomit-worthy and should be systematically eradicated.

Most women’s magazines seem to think they’re horrifying and embarrassing. There are A LOT of articles out there about how to avoid them.

“Cameltoe is, quite simply, the most humiliating clothing disaster we know of.”
— Marie Claire

Let’s recap

  • You have a vagina
  • You wear pants
  • Sometimes the outline of your vagina is slightly visible through your pants
  • This is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you

Why is camel toe so bad?

Well because you have a vagina, that’s why. If other people can see it, even just barely and by accident, then they’ll know you have a vagina too. What is worse than acknowledging the existence of your vagina!? Your puss is primarily a penis receptacle that must remain hidden when it’s not being used. So keep your rogue vagina in the witness protection program where it belongs, waiting patiently for its testicular summons. In the meantime, make sure to show off your breasts and butt so that guys will think you’re sexy.

If you have the audacity to live your life publicly admitting that you have a vagina, then shame on you. Shame shame shame.

What do men think?

Most of the anti-camel toe fervor I’ve witnessed was coming from women so I decided to investigate a bit further. Do men share this dread of a visible vulva? Do they find it disgusting and humiliating too? An empirical analysis below.

As usual, men seem pretty lukewarm about the whole thing. I’m sure there’s some dude somewhere who feels passionately about camel toes, but for the most part they had more questions than answers. Does it hurt? (Not usually) Does it only happen when you’re not wearing underwear? (No) Is it okay if I look? (*Side eye*) Is it a cry for attention? (Wut?!) Does it give you a yeast infection? (Great question, Jimmy. And high five to your mom for raising you well!)

My overall assessment is that men who like vaginas don’t really mind seeing them, inside or outside of your clothes. And men who don’t like vaginas, why do we give any fucks about what they think?!

What do I do about my camel toe?

There are a number of products on the market that help you hide your camel toe. You can find them easily by doing a search in the corner of the internet that preys on your deepest fears and insecurities. Here are some friendly and non-idiotic tips:

  • Put on different pants — sometimes all it takes is a couple extra pounds in the wrong place to turn your favorite jeans into a squeezebox for your snatch. Too-tight jeans aren’t a great look for anyone, camel toe or not (and it isn’t great for your vajoon either). Consider putting on another pair that’s bigger or fits differently, but only if you want to.
  • Put on underwear — you can still have camel toe with underwear on, but sometimes it helps to have an extra layer. This is especially important if you’re wearing tight synthetic pants (like yoga pants). Wearing cotton underwear will create a breathable barrier, making it less likely you’ll get a yeast infection.
  • Bush gardens — I find that I am less likely to get a camel toe when my lady mane is a little longer. It’s a natural barrier and lots of other great things.
  • Stop caring what douchey guys think — they’re the first ones to ridicule you for your vulva silhouette and then can’t get hard or fall asleep on top of you. Fuck them.
  • Go to Jamaica — where almost all of the popular music references fat punanies and how great they are. It won’t solve the problem of being objectified by men, but at least you will be appreciated for what Gawd gave you.

Other things to consider

Can camel toe give me a yeast infection?

Sorta. Yeast thrives in hot and moist environments. If you’re wearing anything that is tight and synthetic (like yoga pants, bathing suit bottoms, hot shorts, etc), you’ve basically created a yeasty paradise (particularly if you’re prone to yeast infections). However, fabric doesn’t necessarily have to be UP in your fun slot for this to happen; camel toe is not the culprit.

Friendly reminder, if you are rocking the tight polyester daisy dukes just make sure to (1) limit the amount of time you’re wearing them (2) wear cotton underwear underneath and (3) make sure you are airing things out regularly — you’d be surprised how effective sleeping with no undies can be!

Does having a camel toe increase my chances of being a target for stares, comments or even unwanted advances?

Yea, maybe. People can be assholes. But even still, the world is not going to stop spinning because someone can see the outline of your vagina. If you like it and you feel safe and comfortable, more power (U) to you.

So is camel toe an embarrassing wardrobe snafu to be avoided at all costs or just another example of women policing each other because we’re ashamed and confused by our own bodies and terrified of male rejection?

Thanks so much for reading!

How do you feel about camel toe??? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

vaginaTylea Richard